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jokes????????????????

PeNgUiN lOvEr Oh YeAh - 2007-11-04 18:30:19 - Jokes Riddles

I would like some good clean jokes. MAKE SURE THEY ARE CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they can be blonde jokes or any other kind of jokes i love en all just give me somee good ones!

Miglior Risposta:

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago." "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake". or this? She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday

Risposte:

OK WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS: A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

Blonde In Trouble A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump. When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete. When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away. When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away

what do you call a fly without wings? 'A WALK'

What do you call a man with 1 eye and 1 leg? IHOP What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, it still won't come to you. Why are blonde jokes so short? So brunettes can remember them.

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago." "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake". or this? She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday

there are two blondes on the side of the road. one digs a hole and the other fills it up. the people driving by looking confused. one driver stops and says "Why are you digging a hole and then she fills it up?" pointing to the other blonde. She laughs and says "Well, usually there are three of us and the third one is sick. She was the one that puts the seeds in for the trees, so it might look a little weird." a plane is going by two countries and the plane crashes right in the middle. Where would they bury the survivors! they can't bury survivors a pink house is made of pink bricks. a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. a blue house is made of blue bricks. a black house is made of black bricks. what is a green house made of. glass is there a 4th of july in england. yes. there is still the 4th day in july. why do people park on the driveway and drive on the parkway? Ann: my dad has medals for golf, swimming, and tennis. Amy: Wow! He must be a good athlete. Ann: No. He's a burglar Leah: (it's the end of the game and leah let all the balls in the goal while playing goaly in soccer) Coach: Leah! Why didn't you stop any of those goals! Leah: I thought that was what the goal was for. Did you hear about the idiot you attempted to swim the Atlantic Ocean. He swam half way and got tired, so he swam back. My brother sent his photo to the Lonley Heats Club. They sent him a note back saying they weren't that lonely. "My grandmother is amazing. She is 99 and hasn't gotten a single white hair." "I know- she's completly bald!" There are three girls willing to give some money to god. The redhead draws a line down the middle and throws her money in the air and says. "All the money that lands on the right side is yours god." Then the brunette draws a cirlce and throws her money in the air and says "All the money that lands in the circle you keep god. Then the blonde throws her money in the air and says "All the money that hits the ground is yours god!"

Little John asked his father, "Hey dad, can you write in the dark." "Of course," his father said. "Do you need me to sign anything." "Yeah just my report card," Little John replied.

One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer. They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer. The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go." The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we'll get sprayed every time we open one." So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store. An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn't returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him. They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.